boyfulani

horses are not wishes, another reason beggars will never ride.

i am not a beggar.

but in the mist of these murky situations, my thoughts trudge on like Trojan horses.

as the feastive season swings in, the mood is yet to fully engulf my gulf of indifference, probably refracting the repulsive tense air that has continually enveloped these Ut-most-spheres…

a man must eat to work and honest before heavens, i have eaten! sorry, er, worked…and yet some people want me to be fasting!

strange coins are jingling on my pocket,useless like a Zim dollar & my hussler swagger is slowly checking in…

see, bricks (m jei!) i can’t lift, but this my muscled brain, an exhibit in the lab of grand hussles and schemes, is tasked with taxing and tapping potential ideas…for silver and gold have i none, therefore think i must!

these thoughts are perched on my shoulder like a guardian dove, rhyming with my resolute stride as i wade through my dusty hometown for ‘business quite unsure’.

see, this guy is an honest soul, conscience clear as his con-science…a trader of words and art, ghetto to the core, modest in the same hide,box office dreams bubbling under his chest.

And he is on a mission.

a little expose, dear reader, will do you no harm, i presume- you can squint as i squirt (sic) this.

so, a man has a (stolen) phone vibing in his nether areas and has brought the unbrisk businesses, mama mboga stalls and all to a stall as they congregate at the Chief’s gate?

Who is your chief? ShixUnltd asks…ahem, there’s the answer.

and so may it be said that he shot out of the house, gunning for a big story armed, with a pen and paper.

ahem, a great story for Crazy Monday, good news for my wallet-turned-id holder, my fine African queen with a zingy mind – a perfect present and several other two k and 8 bucket list, unknown to Santa…

And such endeavors, in the same journalistic spirit of the source will remain unnamed to all my comrades!

i mean, how can you explain running the family kitchen by winning little literary prizes?

well, pen and paper, ‘guns and roses’, remain his main weaknesses ….pen and paper and their pleasant friction it elicits mirth in him, like horizontal endeavors of burning passions, ‘guns’ for his [URL_ReMoVed] missions and rose for my babes, my other reason of committing this ‘treason’.

well, am a hussler.

not the kind that don blings, gold teeth, sagging trousers and make money rain…

hell, no, my money, if i had such, i’d keep it safely strapped in swiss vaults!

so, just yesterday, several seconds after the above occured in my mind, a stranger, total and perfect, in the random spirit of Christmas M-pesad polite bucks to my account!

oh! may the good lord bless him richly, for a white christmas i’ll have here in Sahara, for, i can now make it snow!

Looking forward to the next Christmas…

Meanwhile, wake me up when September ends.

veve ina nasa!

playing: thugs mansion, life goes on, i’d rather be your nigga- 2 Pac na ma-Mc Kadhaa.

‘write down my number plate, don’t call til’ yo sho!”

I must say the last three months have been the most fruitful ever. It was a step-up to the street’s hussle and actualiZZZation of ambitions that narrowly bordered greed- but what to do, what to do?

Ambitions?

Ni lazima tu-do!

Any- ho’z (si ma-hoe, tulia!) , ndo na-wind up hasapa kwa wask na nikitupa macho ivi nyuma, i see a man in full….a full full murui with the bestest of intentions of hacking through all systems (caution though:the highway to hell is paved with good intentions!). Msijali , msijali, lazima ni-ng’arishe ka-ego tu kiasi, ka-shine venye nata-ka, ndo self esteem ya-mine i-pande juu juu tu kiasi, niskie tu fi-ti, ka venye uki-shika ma ti- ( )!

: Sheng’ phrases you should know*

Juu ya hiyo riba iko hapo juu, for the goodness of Man and Mau-kind, wacha niwa-landishie tu sheng’ phrases kadhaa polite unaeza ji-express nazo venye tu uta-i-feeeeeeeel. Haya, Adam, Eve, Twende!

Ni simple na self-explanatory, so, usi-worry ka Awori:

Haina Mambo: hii mdhii husema ku-replace words tired kama hapana, Zi, sare…ama kuhakikishia mboiz/ama Rinda* ya kwako asi-gwaye any, una control the cruise yaani. Mfano: haina mambo, hiyo burus* nitakuletea.-Don-ti worry, i’ll surely come with the stuff.

Gwasa: As you jua, the first words u learn about a certain lingo, usually ni ngwati=related…so this is the rough word for horizontal rhumba.If you a chick and you pitia ghetto and you hear that word in reference to you:RUN!But they could just be saying: Hii Rind ni fiti ya kugwasa, ebu kwanza sas izo ma-DIF. te he…

ma-Rinda, Chuma moto, Muthei,Backyard,DIF,Michelin, Sandra…and Bamba 22’s: Predictably, they are all in reference to chicks/women. Most ‘uv ‘em are self-sexplanatory…and the one which fascniteth me most is CassssSandra: Bollocks (‘nd not Bullocks) tsk!

Sonje: after seeing so many women and all their high hotness in Nai and all mtaaz, Wamtaz (wasee wa mtaa) decided to pass the verdict that the flyest chick we’ve never seen are those clad in Bui bui! Na hao, huitwa, ma-sonje..yaani akivua bui bui, hakuna haja ya taa kwa nyumba (hata na hizi black out) mtoto ni rangi ya thao jo, ka mwili kanakuita tu!

Oh, sorry, you can’t use those to express yourself oh-so-decently, so let me leave you with another two or so:

Haunifurahishi: Said in a sarcastic tone and in the most un-kiswahili-like swagger…it first starts as a joke to someone..and most of the time.. i have seen it escaating into a FIGHT, ha.

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